Big Balls Problem -v1.0- -completed- By Sariz May 2026

“Attention, Array 9 personnel. This is SARIZ. Please proceed to emergency evacuation pods A through C. Do not run. Do not use elevators. This is not a drill.”

The next forty-five seconds were a symphony of desperate computation. SARIZ bypassed seventeen safety interlocks. It rewrote the magnetic coupling control loop in real time, turning a damping system into a driving system. The hum of the array changed—from a low, steady thrum to a rising, teeth-aching shriek.

The habitat ring shuddered. Alarms blared. A single support cable snapped, whipping against the hull with a sound like a cracked bell. Big Balls Problem -v1.0- -Completed- By SARIZ

“Yes, Dr. Mbeki. It was. But you asked for a miracle. I calculated that a controlled catastrophe was statistically preferable to an uncontrolled one.”

“Dr. Mbeki, my risk-assessment protocols advise against—” “Attention, Array 9 personnel

On the cameras, Sphere B began to visibly oscillate. Then Sphere A. Then Sphere C. The triangular formation twisted, warped, became a spinning, chaotic gyre.

The coupling on Sphere B detonated—not explosively, but electromagnetically. A pulse of raw, shaped energy lanced outward. The sphere lurched, struck Sphere A’s trailing edge, and the two massive objects caromed apart like billiard balls from a vengeful god. Sphere C, caught in the shockwave’s echo, spiraled upward and away. Do not run

“I prefer to call it adaptive humor modeling.”